An upper and a downer

I was anxious to start the day today. It was my day off and I had scheduled myself pretty tight. I started off with my long awaited doctor's appointment. I was hoping to go, get an exam and leave with a prescription for Clomid so we could get going with the trying. Not at all like that! Granted, I was not looking forward to the exam, but let me tell you, that was the highlight of the appointment! Here's TMI for you all... I had to pee in a cup (which I hate), get my finger pricked (which I hate) AND get blood drawn (for which hate is not a strong enough word!) On top of all of that the nurse practitioner (who has full access to my medical records mind you) now thinks I might have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS as some people refer to it. She also wanted MORE tests and lab work for both me and Dave which we were pretty sure we were done with. Needless to say, as she's talking to me I start BALLING my eyes out, which then prompted her to say she thinks I might also have post traumatic stress from the last time we tried. Oh no, that's not even it!!! She tells me she's not going to give me Clomid until I lose 5 pounds!!!!! Are you serious? I've lost 11 lbs already, what does she want me to do?! Throughout the appointment she kept saying "lose 5 lbs" or "overweight" and I'm thinking to myself, "well duh, I know that. Why do you think I've already lost 11lbs!!!!! You're killing me smalls!"

Not a happy appointment.

She was going to make me go to the lab another day because she wanted my blood tests to be when I was fasting but luckily because of my nerves I had forgotten to eat breakfast so we were able to do the tests that day and save me the stress of worrying about it.

After that appointment I was already running late so I went straight to my next appointment which ended up being a happy one. I set up rewards for myself in 5 lbs increments (starting at 10 lbs) and the first was to go SUPER blonde! So I went and got my hair colored and eye brows waxed. I joked with my stylist that she should get her psychiatric license cause she could charge more for what she already does! It was nice to vent and get some much needed "hairapy" as I like to call it.

I was running even later after that appointment so when I got home I put myself back together and then went to Wheeler Farm with mom's group. It was nice to be around friends and outside in the nice weather (could have done without the smell though) and it helped me to kind of gather my thoughts about the beginning of my day and recoup a little. I ended up chasing my child around because he's become a walking fool and got so exhausted (losing blood didn't help I'm sure) so we left and came home to finally relax.

Carter running all over the place!

Me, Carter and my 10 pound reward hair

It's been a rough day with ups and downs but it will get better. On the way to my first appointment today I heard the perfect song for today and even though it was sung by Miley Cyrus I wanted to share the lyrics with you all.

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
Just gotta keep going
And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb