blessed

I always get asked that question that you don't want to hear when you have suffered through infertility. The question itself is not bad or even rude it just always makes me a little emotional answering whether or not we are going to have more kids. For a while I just said no and took whatever response or judgement came after. I also tried explaining our situation in great detail which always made people feel awkward or I would just be evasive and say who knows. The truth is that there are times when I ache inside wanting what I am sure I can't have and there are times I am so grateful for what I've been given that I think I think I couldn't possibly want more.
Last night as I was laying in bed with my husband and my previously fussy 3 year old, both of them snoring in unison, one big arm draped over my waist and two tiny arms pulled so tight around my neck that there is a small adorable face barely an inch from mine, I can't help but think about that moment we were told that we would never conceive and being so filled with gratitude and love.  We have made the decision not to go through infertility again and to enjoy each other and the miracles we have been blessed with even if that means this is it for us. If the Lord has other plans things will happen but I can't deny His hand in my already blessed life.  I am eternally grateful for the tiny arms that wrap around my neck and couldn't ask for anything more than that.