Monday, May 11, 2009

The ghost of Mother's day past

Mother's day 2008

Mother's day 2009

This mother's day, like the past 2 mother's days has been full of emotion for me. All for different reasons of course.

Mother's day 2007: My first round of Clomid. We were working toward an IUI that cycle and I was so emotional about it I wanted to run away. So we decided to spend the weekend with the Philpotts (who at the time were 3 in number.) I was happy to be there and have the distraction but at the same time nervous and scared about the upcoming IUI and VERY emotional from the Clomid.

Mother's day 2008: I had everything I wanted and more. I had a perfect little baby and had seen a miracle. It felt good to prove the doctor's wrong and to be celebrating the day I had looked forward to for 2 years and never thought I would be a part of.

Mother's day 2009: Starting the journey, again. This was a very weird Mother's day for me. It was kind of a mixture of the 2 previous. I was grateful to have my little miracle eating breakfast with me on the patio and stealing bites of my strawberries, but after my doctor's appointment the previous Friday I couldn't shake the feeling of that Mother's day 2 years prior. Of the longing and the feeling that a very tough road lie ahead for me and my family. It's hard to think that Heavenly Father might have different plans for your family than you do. In fact, I know he does because just when I feel like I know exactly how it's all going to shake out something different happens. I am trusting that things will work out and am confident it will be in a way I could never imagine. I am just so grateful to my little guy for giving me hope and comfort. There is no better feeling than having to take a break from writing a blog to rock and sing your little boy to sleep. The same little boy who we were told by numerous doctors would not be conceived without help of a procedure of some sort. Well, he was. He is a miracle and I have since discovered that more than one miracle can happen to one family. There is no limit on the amount of miracles you can receive and that is what I will be praying for as we start out on a very familiar journey.

That being said, I got some test results today from my blood test on Friday. Good news: all of my levels look normal, my thyroid, glucose and prolactin are fine (which is funny because my prolactin was slightly off last time). Bad news: I haven't ovulated in over a month. It doesn't take a genius to figure out where there is no ovulation, there is no egg and therefore... no baby! The nurse that called me didn't have my full chart in front of her so she is planning to call me back and let me know where the doctor wants to take it from here. Until then, I will be praying and just chipping away at those 5 lbs.

I am grateful for the blessings in my life and I know that I just need to be patient and not only rely on the Lord but also on my husband, family and friends for strength, my son for hope and the doctor's for help. Thanks for being there guys and a very happy Mother's day to all who are or will be mothers.


Amy and Brandon said...

Brooke, I'm not sure if you remember me from the Santa Rosa stake, but I'm a regular visitor to your blog as its so nice to keep up to date with those from our past and to see your beautiful family grow. I appreciate your blog post as I've been going through the same experiences, with yet another upcoming injection cycle just a few days away. Your experience and others like yours continue to give me hope that miracles do happen. Thanks for sharing your experience and your thoughts.
-Amy (Frederick) Hillstead

Dad and Mom Mann said...

What a beautiful, tender, blog entry. You know we are praying for you and Dave and Carter daily. We put your names on the Temple prayer rolls on Saturday. Your testimony is strong as is your faith. You are "right on" in all that you said. The Lord knows you and the righteous desires of your heart. Keep the faith Brook and are in His hands.